Mini Musings: You Can’t Stop the Beat

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Someone (we won’t name who) is trying to get her shit together so that she can get back into the writing game. It’s been almost a year and a half since she has had any interest in putting her musings to blog. Life marched on and she somehow managed to take not only the road less taken, but the road that most people never even see. She fell into a life of leisure, sloth, and lethargy and finally (finally) decided to get a little bit of work done—here, there, and everywhere. …

Work in Progress…

I don’t like looking in the mirror. Ever. I have memorized when to turn my head just slightly enough to avoid what I see there. I used to have a full-length mirror in the bedroom but it (mysteriously) died a horrific death. I’m not saying that I broke the thing on purpose, but I’m not NOT saying that I did. And I must admit, it was something that really helped ease the anxiety in my life. Not too long ago, I shared with a good friend something that happens to me every time I get up in the morning. I…

The Great Head Debate

Get your mind out of the gutter, people.  (Okay, me too, because I totally went there.)  Anyway, I thought it was high time to take a moment to look back on what has to be one of the most egregious gaffes I ever had to endure as a child.  A mistake so large that I still find the time to bitch about it at least once a year (as I have for 30 plus years now) to the person most responsible for my broken heart—my mother (cue the bloodcurdling scream and the dun, dun, duuuuun)! What could possibly bring out…

Sometimes Learning Myself Kind of Sucked

My parents loved to go on vacation without me.  Okay, I don’t know if love is the right word, but I don’t think they particularly missed me very much.   Back when there was still a gaggle of us rapscallions around, the road trip was THE thing to do during summer vacations.  The time honored tradition of shoving everything we owned into a small vehicle that we would then spend hours upon hours in was important in our household (and it was a good way to shut us up about being bored and tired of playing outside all the time). I…

A Penny Saved is Just a Penny but a Lot of Pennies is a Dollar

I have this penny that won’t go away.  I know that I should pick the damn thing up and put it in my son’s bank but for some reason I just leave it sitting there.  I mean, it’s to the point that I will be washing down my kitchen counters and I’ll just clean around it.  It would literally take me ten seconds to walk down the hall and place it in the bank, but I just don’t want to do it.  It made me stop and think about why that is. The easy thing would be to say that…

Mini Musings: I Did Some Things This Week! (But…)

I finally wrote a blog post. (But I wasn’t terribly clever about it.) I washed the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. (But I waited as long as I could to see if the hubby would do it first.) I fed the dog. (But he decided to fast that day.) I walked the dog. (But he was mad at me because it wasn’t longer.) I rubbed the dog’s tummy. (But I think I enjoyed it more than he did.) I walked. Inside. (But I never took my hands off the treadmill’s handlebar.) I walked. Outside. (But I only…

Scenes from a Lunch

Scene 1: Driving up the road on her lunch break, our main character is contemplating the easiest way to get to her fast food burrito. She quickly calculates the time savings of taking the street nearest to the high school (even though there’s a lower speed limit) instead of the main thoroughfare (where she will most likely be met with two extra minutes of delay due to street light patterns). Without having consciously made a decision, her muscle reflex jerks the steering wheel to the right and on to the neighborhood street. She is immediately waylaid by a traffic jam…

To Sir, with Love

Dear Sir,  I want to thank you so much for sitting next to us at the end of the bar today. It’s usually not my favorite thing in the world when someone decides to saddle up next to me when there are literally no other people in the room. And I think what made your visit even more special was the fact that you decided to park it specifically two chairs beside me, as opposed to choosing to plop down next to the hubby (who would be happy to chat about absolutely anything). I’m really not sure what vibe I…

I’m Getting Too Old for This Sh*t

When the hubby asked me if I wanted to sneak out on a Sunday night to go to the concert, I was astoundingly, excitedly, extremely meh about the whole idea. It meant leaving the kid alone again (it’s beginning to become a habit and I’m starting to feel a little dirty about it) while we pretended to be cool and hip and ready to party on a whim. But I’ve been in a weird headspace since I’ve retired and I was pretty sure I could muster up the strength to roll off the couch after the sun went down. While…

Have I Become a Successful Coward?

I wish that I could walk across the United States just once. None of that Forrest Gump back and forth bullshit for me–just one good trip to see if I could actually do it. How many miles would I be able to put in before I was ready to call a limo company and grab an air conditioned ride to the nearest town? Would I be able to triumph mind over matter when I inevitably came to the moment where I would systematically tear myself down for being the biggest loser on the planet because I forgot to bring a…

Chainsaw Murderer to the Rescue

I love Halloween.  I love it so much that I have no problem proclaiming it my favorite holiday of the year.  It’s kind of funny how this could even be possible considering I despise fall, I don’t care for much anything flavored pumpkin, and I don’t really get much enjoyment from scary pranks or costumes.  I do, however, love coming up with fun costume ideas, planning Halloween parties for my family and for the library, and going to corn mazes. When I was younger it was a hell of a lot easier for me to get in the mood for…

Best Case or Basket Case?

I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to be fantastically, amazingly happy and content the first minute of my retirement, but I’ve always been someone to completely disintegrate a perfectly happy moment for no apparent reason. I guess I thought a weight would be lifted and I’m just a little bit sad that I haven’t had that feeling just yet. I feel adrift and a bit put out to pasture—even though it was my own decision. It’s not that I’m not happy having left my life as a librarian, it’s because I don’t have a set path of “new” life…

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane…

As I was sitting at the library letting my mind wander from the totally scintillating task of fine filing children’s drawing books, I realized that I was kind of lame and pathetic.  It’s a hell of a thing when one minute you’re contemplating whether How to Draw Your Favorite Super Hero gets filed before How to Draw Your Favorite Super Hero Pet and you are hit with the overwhelming feeling of suck.  (How’s that for getting to the point?) While I knew that I was a pretty decent person with a pretty decent life, I also realized that I was…